My Immortal Commentary
by TheAmazingRimaChama
Summary: Yet another commentary of the horrible, 'goffik' fanfic, 'My Immortal'. Read for a laugh. Or headdesk.
1. Chapter 1

**I know this has been done a million times before, but I just couldn't resist. XD This is my commentary of the god-awful Harry Potter fanfiction (If it can even be called that..), 'My Immortal'! Enjoy!**

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)** (No, I don't. Because I'm not 'goffik')** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **(YOU were the one who said it!) **raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **(Did she give up on you halfway or something?)** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **(You don't sound very depressed..)** MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **(Not even finished the first sentence and I can tell that this character is an annoying Mary-Sue. Three middle names? And isn't 'dementia' memory loss?) **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **(So you were born with long, ebony black hair? Impressive.) **with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears** (Tears are clear, not blue.)** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) **(I would, but I've got a commentary to finish.) **. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **(I sense a contradiction. You've got the same fricking surname as him, I don't think that's just a coincidence. And why would you want to be related to someone you find hot, do you like incest or something?)** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **(I'm a vampire but my teeth are curly and all the colours of the rainbow.)** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **(SCOTLAND!)** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there **(I didn't think there were any Hot Topic stores in the UK.)**. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **(Clowns?)** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **(At the same time? Some crazy weather down there in Scotland.)**so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **( WHY? What did they do to you?)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... **(Ivory?)** Draco Malfoy! **(Close enough.)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **(Wait a minute, did I just read that right? Draco Malfoy isn't shy at all! This is incredibly OOC.)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(Awesome cliffhanger!)**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(Did she actually just ask if this piece of shit is good? Excuse me while I bang my head against the wall.)**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **(Wouldn't Spell check be a bigger help?)** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **(Why do you automatically assume that it's only 'preps' that are flaming your story? I bet some 'goffs' and emos are flaming it as well because you're a terrible writer.)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **(I usually wake up in the bathroom.)** It was snowing and raining again. **(Dammit, that weather is really screwed up.) **I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **(And, uh... where did you get the blood from?) ** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. **(That outfit actually sounds quite fugly..)** I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **(So you're a punk now?)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **(Wait... So she woke up and grinned at you with her eyes closed, without even knowing where in the room you were? What the frick?)** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. **(And just what happened to the Hogwarts uniform?) **We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **(So?)**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **(Talking to a boy automatically means that you like them? Uh-oh, we're all whores.)**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.** (Calm the hell down, it was just a question!)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **("I so fucking don't like Draco! Oh, hiiii Draco!")**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

**"I'm pregnant."**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.** (What? But Good Charlotte is a MUGGLE band! So what are they doing in HOGSMEADE? wtfbbq)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(Yes, we get it. You like MCR, now shut UP!)**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked. **(Nooo! Draco! You're being brainwashed by the Mary-Sue!)**

I gasped. **(I headdesked.)**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **(No.)** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **(I think that all the 'goffik' people are flaming and she is making multiple accounts to give herself good reviews.)** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **(What do you mean you don't own this? You mean the story? WTH?)**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **(You dress like an emo, not a goth.)** I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **(That's impossible!)** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **(Uh...)** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding **(Poor book..)** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. **(Are you sure you're wearing enough black there?) **I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **(But you put it on in the last chapter!) **I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **(Did he steal it from Ron) **He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **(Notice how a lot of the 'kewl' boys who wear it are also gay.)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **(You exclaimed in a depressed voice? How does that work?)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz **(You walked into it? Did you bang your head?) ** (the license plate said 666 **(And I cared so much.) **) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **(Well, that explains a lot.)** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **(Those lyrics are so emo. O_O)**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **(Smooth, Ebony. That's a smart thing to say on your first date.)**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **(Don't be sad, Draco! Be grateful the Sue doesn't like you!)**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **(Smart girl, that Ebony.)**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively **(SENSITIVE DRACO? The apocalipse is near!)** and he put his arm around me all protective. **(Wait... what was he protecting her from?)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(I didn't know Hilary Duff had a beard.)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **(They don't have beer in Hogsmeade. they have firewhiskey.)** and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz **(Because walking like a normal person is overrated.)**, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! **(YES! He's going to kill the Sue! This is the moment I've been waiting for!)**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! **(So her name is Enoby Nut Mary Su.)** DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! **(Being in love doesn't make people act **_**that **_**OOC!)** dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **(What, for like, two days?)**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **(This girl can't go one chapter without swearing at least twice.)**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **(And fell to his death.)** I walked out of it too, curiously. **(And also plummeted to the ground.)**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **(Count no. 2. And you're meant to be dead!)**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

**"I am your father."**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes **(The colour red isn't gothic...)** (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **(MAGIC.)**

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **('Suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately'. So Draco kissed himself?)** Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **(The poor, poor tree.)** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **(You're so clever.)** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(... *speechless*...)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **(I would **_**pay**_** to hear Dumbledore say that. XD)**

It was...Dumbledore! **(Dear God... She has completely butchered Dumbledore's personalitity. As well as everyone else's.)**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **(I thought it just means that you have a brain.)** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **(Dumbledore isn't the**_** type **_**of person to swear because of a headache!)** ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **(Um... how did he know that they were in the forest, anyway? Was he following them? -_-) **PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **(What the flip is a revoiw?)**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **(I think you'll find that's 'ludicrous.)**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **(Might want to see Madam Pomfrey about that..)** Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **( I would too..)**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **(Would you prefer if they had sexual intercourse on the quidditch pitch? Okay then.)**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **(That was a bit OOC. Like everyone else in this (and I'm using this in the loosest term,) story.)**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **(Now kids, whenever you get in trouble with your teachers/parents, just shriek, "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!", and everything will be just fine.)**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(WHAT! Snape of all people wouldn't say that! And if students were **_**actually**_** caught having sex, they wouldn't probably be sent home and suspended/expelled.)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **(**_**Actually**_**, her name is Enoby Nut Mary Su, as you so kindly explained in the last chapter.)**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **(You wear high heels to **_**bed?**_**)** When I came out... **(Of the closet?)**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, **(Creep.)** and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. **(So do I, and reading this 'fanfiction' won't help.)** I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **(Ugh, my eyes are bleeding...)**


	6. Chapter 6

AN: shjt up prepz ok! **(Can you please explain to me what 'shjt up' means?)** PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **(YES! Nobody give her reviews!)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **(Please stop describing your outfits!)** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **(This morning, I spray-painted my hair blue.)**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. **(Do the teachers know about you drinking blood for breakfast? And why aren't you expelled for having sex with Draco, has everyone forgotten about that?)** Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **(HA!)**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **(You were going down his face? Gross.)** and he was wearing black lipstick. **(Ugh...)** He didn't have glasses anymore **(IF YOU JUST MET HIM THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW HE USED TO WEAR GLASSES?) **and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's **(And how do you- oh, forget it. Logic doesn't exist here.) **and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.**(NO! Harry!)** He had a manly stubble on his chin. **(My Geography teacher has a very feminine stubble on his chin.)** He had a sexy English accent. **(No duh. He IS English.)** He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **(I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she was a hermaphrodite..)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **(Yes! It's not him!)**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter **(NO! HARRY, NOO!)**, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **(Guys don't giggle, they chuckle!)**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. **(He whimpered? Good god...)**

"Yeah." I roared. **(That mental image is so hilarious that I'm actually rofling. XD)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(I am getting so sick of these awful cliffhangers.)**


	7. Chapter 7

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **(Hon, I doubt that God has enough free time to give this pathetic excuse for a story reviews.)** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **(Uhh... are you saying it with a German accent or something?)** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok **(No, **_**Ebony's**_** a **_**Mary-**_**sue.) **she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! **(WTF is a satanits?)** n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish **(Wait, you had black nail polish a second ago. How the hell did it hange to red?)** (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?)** (No, it sounds like a **_**Mary-**_**Sue.)**. I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **(Uh, no. He's depressed about being in this awful fanfic and about going from the Boy Who Lived to a 'goffik' wimpy vampire.) **Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco **(Whore.)**. We went into his room and locked the door. Then... **(He took out a giant machete and decapitated me.)**

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically **(You can't be passive and enthusiastic at the same time, n00b.)**. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **(So, you have a 'boy's thingy' too?)** and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(Yes, dammit, yes!**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm **(The dark mark?)**. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire! **(Oh, HELL NAW.)**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.** (So did I.)**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(That's really steriotypical, bitch. And just because it says 'Vampire' doesn't mean it's dedicated to Harry.)**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **(Well, that was OOC. But I'm not really surprised by now.)** He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **(So, you were having sex with Draco while you were supposed to be in class? I bet you both have such wonderful grades.)**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled **(This is the**_** only**_** way to enter Potions class.)**


	8. Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me **(Maybe that was because you ran into Potions class screaming, "Vampire Potter, you motherfucker.") **and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **(And what did SNAPE have to say about all of this!)**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **(So did I, but for a completely different reason.)**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **(I think you mean 'understandingly'.)** She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair **(So her hair is garbage.)** and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.** (Why would you wear pale white makeup if you were already pale?)** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. **(NO! They got Hermione!) **Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. **(Of course. *sigh*)** It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **(Your religion does not affect which house you are in! Have you even watched the **_**first**_** movie?)**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **(OOC. Snape wouldn't say that, he'd say something more... hurtful.)**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **(Other way round, dear.)**

Everyone gasped.** (I facepalmed.)**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me **(Did you just change povs without telling the readers? You fail at writing forever.)**. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart.**(He dumped you for Ginny? Seriously, I want to see some canon.)** He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **(Oh... never mind.)** We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems,** (Yeah, he'd have to, wouldn't he?)** and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **(All this hating on preps is started to annoy me.)**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest **(Wow, that was quick!)** where I had lost my virility to Draco **(Virility = manliness. So you lost your manliness to Draco.) **and then I started to bust into tears.** (So, your boobs started crying?)**


	9. Chapter 9

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **(Big surprise!)** dis is frum da movie **(WHICH ONE.)** ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **(But it's your story!)** besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **(People don't just swear when they have headaches..)** and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! **(Shut up.)**

I was so mad and sad. **(Yet I was also glad. Hehe, I like rhymes.)** I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.** (Ew.)**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything **(NO NOSE AND EVERYTHING?) **started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **(Yeah, you just said that, idiot.)**(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic **(He wasn't **_**trying**_** to be gothic.)**. It was... Voldemort!** (You kinda just gave that away when you said he looked like Voldemort.)**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!"**(The incantation is imperio.)** and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!"** (Hermione's cat isn't a spell, you fool.)** I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **(I think that she just attempted to use the cruciatus curse.) **I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.** (But a sadist wouldn't feel bad for him..)**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **(Thou hath been reading too much Shakespear, sir Voldemort.)**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.** (No.)** I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(YOU ONLY JUST REALIZED THAT NOW?)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. **(Y'know, witches and wizards generally have this thing called a wand.)** "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **(He hath telekinesis.)**

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.** (My maths teacher gets that sometimes.)** "I hath telekinesis."**(Telekinesis = ability to move objects around with your mind. I think you mean mind-reading.)** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **(Voldemort doesn't have a broomstick, and I can't picture him on one. He doesn't need a broom to fly, you idiot.)**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do **(I didn't read that, I sang it. XD)**. Suddenly Draco came **(Heh.)** into the woods. **(And just how, pray tell, did dear Draco know you were there? Stalllkkkerr.)**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **(Didn't you just call him a 'bastard' and a 'fucking idiot'? I believe the word 'Dementia' being in your name isn't just a coincidence.)**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit)** (*Grooaaann*)** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.** (What do YOU think?)**

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.** (You were expelled! PARTY AT MY PLACE!)**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **(Worst ending ever. Ugh.)**


	10. Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot **(I like pink frosted sprinkled donuts.)** lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al **(She was never a muggle. She was a muggle-born.) **n she n vampire r evil **(Wait, they're EVIL?) **datz y dey movd houses ok!

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day.** (Who's Vlodemort? I think you should be more worried about Voldemort.)** I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666.** (Is that the name of one of your many other accounts that you use to review this 'thing'?)** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **(How the hell would that sound?)** The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron **(Dammit, they got Ron, too!) **(although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid.**(No! Not Hagrid, too!) ** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **(You knew that your boyfriend was slitting his wrists, yet you happily attended band practise. Amazing.) **(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that **(You did in every chapter up until now.)**) or a steak** (Yum.)**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **(The Corpse Bride? Please. Toy Story 3 is more depressing.) **I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt** (SLUT.)**. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.** (Keep telling yourself that, darling.)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **(Your boobs started crying again? You should really see a doctor about that.)**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.** (CONCERNED.)**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily** (You really shouldn't talk that way to a friend who's worried about you.)**. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort **(What happened to Vlodemort?) **came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry!** (Isn't his name Vampire now?)** But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.** (From your eyes or boobs?)**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.** (Amazing, that boy is.)**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)** (Apart from the whole 'poser' thing, it's surprisingly in-character. But I shouldn't be complimenting you for that.)**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.** (I didn't think it was possible to use one word so frequently.)**

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.** (Shut up about him having a headache!)**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely **(How the actual **_**hell**_** do you cry wisely!)**. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."** (But that directly contradicts what you told us earlier in this chapter! I thought- Oh dear god, I'm not even going to try and apply logic to this **_**thing**_**.)**


	11. Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid **(I know it's stupid, but I have no idea what srupid means.)**!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! **(In a stupid, idiotic way.)** sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **(I shudder to think of what it looked like before she helped you.)**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **(Pffft. 'Horrorfied')** B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **(You're so nice..) **and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **(No, he would look like he's trying to **_**calm you down**_**.)**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off **(So, your wrists got all over your clothes so you took them off.)** and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **(That must have been one sharp steak.)** I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **(You put on a black dress with sandy lace?)** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.** (Just how many piercings do you have?)** I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!** (Masticating = eating.)** They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! **(But I thought you were wearing a sandy dress!)** ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" **(DON'T BRING POKEMON INTO THIS.)** he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **(Oh my god. Oh my god, I am laughing so hard right now..)** I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. **(But they didn't die?)** Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...** (It was... Voldemort!)**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom **(He ran on his broom? How does that work?)** and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **(No, he's gamekeeper. GAMEKEEPER!)**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **(So what?)**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him.** (Why isn't he dead?"** "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **(THAT MADE NO SENSE.)**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly.** (So, Loopin held up the camera with three elephants?)** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.** (That might just be because you were slitting your wrists a few minutes ago.)**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.** (On his clock? Poor clock..)**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **(Yeah, coolstorybro.)**

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **(A GOTHIC VERSION OF 50 CENT?)**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **(Well, who doesn't love the Mary-Sue?)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey mans, you miss me? Sorry, I was busy... Nah, just lazy! But I'll try to update quicker from now on. -_- Prepare for more killing of the braincells were the same scene is repeated twice, Hagrid has lots of siblings, and Enoby is bipolar! Sound exciting? No, I didn't think so. But my commentary is here to make it a whole lot less shitty! Enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 12.<p>

AN: stop f,aing ok** (I might if I knew what 'f,aing' was..)** hargrid is a pedo **(well at least Hagrid isn't.)** 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! **(Ok, what! I'm not American but I really don't think that... Ok, whatever. I'm Irish and convinced that my Computer teacher is a complete pedo. Once we had to fill out a stupid questionaire and it had a question like, 'What is the distance between your belly button and the floor?' Or something, and I asked him where the big huge meter stick/ rular thing was. Well, he leaned right over and said, "**_**Why, where do you want to measure?"**_** I was kinda like ._.)** how du u no snap iant kristian **(Common sense.)** plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!** (Wait... Are you telling me that this girl is actually dumb enough to confuse Hagrid with Cedric? What is this, I don't even...)**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. **(Yeah, first I've heard of it. Great job thinking about this one, Tara.)** He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.** (Awww... How cute!1!1! ...Seriously?)**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid **(Who?)** but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!"**(I'm just curious, but did he actually say 'OMFG' or 'Oh my fucking god'?)** and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(His what now! What are... what are red... Ok forget it, I've given up trying to make sense of this story.)**

I stopped. "How did u know?"** (Uh... He felt it hurting? You usually know if something is hurting or not for yourself, Enoby dear. Surprising as it is.)**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **(How do you know? Can you see your own FOREHEAD? Huh? HUH? No, didn't think so!**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back.** (Yeah, whatever.)** "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! **(Lol, Oh Harry, why so manly?)** then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"** (AHAHAHAHA! Volfemort has him bondage! Oh my frick, you have no idea how much I'm laughing right now.)**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists.** (MAGICAL TIMELINE JUMP)** Snap and Loopin and HAHRID **(Hagrid sure has a lot of siblings.)**were there too. They were going to St. Mango's** (A hospital for fruit?)** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles **(Uh... I didn't think pedophiles went to hospitals to recover.)**and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **(I hope you aren't including yourself there, Enoby dear.)** Dumbledore had constipated **(Epic typo is epic.) **the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **(I always find that solves my problems!)**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed **(Ew.)** holding a bouquet of pink roses. **(She wont like that, the ungrateful little slug.)**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice **(Because the word 'very' is waaaaay to difficult to type out.)**, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. **(Jesus... the man just gave you a present!)** "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped **("I love how my counselor tells me that I have a serious attitude problem, and she hasn't even seen how bad it can get.")**. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **(I find that hard to believe, Enoby. Didn't he just say he loved you? Oh, wait, that was CEDRIC wasn't it?)**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **(Lol, it's actually a bear.)**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **(YES, I KNOW.)**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. **(When did you do that? I sure as hell didn't notice.)** "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene **(Hagrid's shower scene? Ew.)** and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)**(Yes.)** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.** (Angirly = Angrily/Girly)**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .** (Wut.)**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **(Wisely. You? Psssshh, bitch please. Crabbe and Goyle are wiser than you.)**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." **(Yeah, whenever I say anything, I sing a little song to warm up my vocal cords. It annoys my friends, but I have to do it!)** Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **(Youo areo ano idioto io cano reado thiso becauso Io amo frickingo awesomeo. Hello yeaho!)**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **(Yeah, how goffik.)**Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **(Lolokay. Just because he made a black flame in the air? Okaaaay.)**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **(Yeah, Enoby, I don't know what he is either. A badger, maybe? A pedophile Computer teacher named Bill? I mean, the possibilities are endless...**

**What the hell am I talking about?)**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls **(Heh.)** of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said** (Where the HELL did he come from!)**, watching the two of us watching the flame. **(And he was watching us watching the flame and it was fun to watch us watch the flame and everyone was watching the flame. SHUT UP.)** "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **(Your stupidity atounds me. )** u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled **(Jesus Christ, calm yourself, Hargrid! Dumblydores mean when he's got a headache!)**. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **(...)**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"** (What did he lie about? Am I extremely stupid or did she just leave out a possibly important (Psssh) plotline?)**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

**...To be honest, I skipped all that. I mean, frick, there's nothing in thes clothing descriptions besides her describing a bring, emo outfit, a hot guy and telling preps to 'fuk off'. It's just fricking stupid.)**

"You look kawai** (Spelt wrong. It's kawaii. If you're going to speak Wapanese then spell it properly, though I abhore seeing Wapanese in English stories. Kawaii= cute, Kowai= scary, Kawai= make of a piano. ... You look the make of a piano, girl. I'm going to use that from now on.) **, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) **(Shut upppppp.)** you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **(Jesus!)** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time.** (Just because you couldn't see them doesn't mean they couldn't see you. Eh, stupid?)** I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **(LOL.)** He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **(Poor Hufflepuff... They're extremely good finders, you know.**

**Heh, I love A Very Potter Musical.)**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wquallysaid way.**(Do you think I would get good marks if I wrote 'I was wquallysaid' in an English test? Prolly not, but I was wondering...)**

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.** (... Stay classy, ladies.)**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle** (Why can I imagine her saying that?)** who was watching us and so was everyone else.** (Perverts.)**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.** (Uh... But you were screwing him, too... And I think you may have bipolar disorder, Enoby dear, may I recommend some lithium?)**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.** (WOAH, DEJA VU HERE, I WONDER WHY.)**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.** (Stop repeating what already happened wcvnfeavjen\vwhfn'cspjw)**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **(Dammit, we already know!)**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111** (Tara is bipolar as well, god help us. And you're the author, YOU'RE meant to do this, Genius!)**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I** (Okaaaaaay, she was cut off. I presume she's talking about her sweater (derp). But why does Raven have her sweater? Why were two scenes repeated? Who are the many siblings of Hargrid? We will never find out. Sorry.)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Well, since this chapter was really short, I decided to upload it today as well! Whoopee. Sorry for spelling errors last chapter... I never proof read my stories. -_- I'm awful aren't I? But whatevs, I read over this one so I didn't make a fool of myself. Also, thanks to my reviewers! I love you guys, I really do. I get motivated when I receive reviews. :D Enjoy the next installment of the horrifyingly bad fanfic.**

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><p>AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me <strong>(Please enlighten me on how to 'gelp' someone?) <strong>agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! **(The mystery of the sweater is solved! Whaddaya know!)**PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **(I WOULD IF I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT.)**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared**. (What a riveting description. I should really use it for my English essays.)**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **(BUT WHAT ABOUT DUMBLYDORE?)**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily**.(This version of Dumbledore is the most badass person I have ever read about. He has the BEST insults I have ever heard.)**

"Volsemort **(I thought it was Volfemort.) **has Draco!" **(hehe... BONDAGE, RIGHT?)**we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **(Hold me..)**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. **(What a brilliant adjective. It really makes me wish I was able to write stories like this.../sarcasm.)** "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." **(...The Dumbledore I know would save any student, regardless of what they did in school.)** he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. **(Looks like we've got a badass over here.)** Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **(... Not the way YOU portray them.)**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. **(Because you were lying. Herp derp.) **He started to cry tears of blood. **( I've said it once and I'll say it again... Please see a doctor about that!)** Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed**. (WHERE DID IT GO.)**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. **(Such riveting dialogue. It really brings a tear to my eye.) **He took out his wand and did a spell. **(First rule of good writing; Show, not tell.)**Then... suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **("Aw, godammit Vampire! We were supposed to go to Volsemort's lair, you mediocre dunce!")**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice **(A WHAT voice?) **say. "Allah Kedavra" **(Voldemprt's a muslim, is he?)**

It was... Voldemort! **(Oh for god's sake! All of these people have way too many siblings, I can't keep up! And where did Voldemprt go! We will never find out, unfortunately.)**


	14. Chapter 14

WOT'S THIS AN UPDATE? Yeah, no, sorry guys I was busy (Read: Lazy).

Well whatever. Since it is now the summer holidays I will start updating more frequently. And for once I actually mean that.

Anyways, enjoy!

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><p>AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! <strong>(No way. I actually want to see how much of this I can read without killing myself.) <strong>Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. **(I'm really not sure you should be thanking her.)** im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists.** (People who are actually depressed and slit their wrists don't brag about it on the Internet, you insensitive little cow.)** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **(YES! It's finally going to end! Party at my house, someone bring the game of Enoby darts!)**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **('Excretion' may just be the right word.)**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn t there. **(Of** **course he wasn't. After all, it was Voldmprt's lair, not Voldemort's.) **Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was.** (Cedric or Hagrid? Just clarify who you mean now before I get confused.)** Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail **(Who the fuck...?) **was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. **(And died. Hooray.)**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he **(I still don't understand why this is here)**Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. **(That was such a meaningful speech, 'Snaketail'.)** (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **(To be honest Enoby... I don't give two shits.)**

"Huh?" I asked.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?"** (I think that this is the perfect moment to mention that comma abuse and neglect is disgusting.)** asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard."** (CLUSTER F- BOMB)** I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.** (Oh Enoby. So poetic.)**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. **(I would think that if you were stabbed, you'd be in too much pain to scream and run around.)** Then he fell down and died.** (I love the amount of descriptive detail here.)** I brust into tears sadly. **(Why. Just... Why? He was torturing your boyfriend, because of that you killed him... and now you're... sad that he's dead? Kill me. Just... kill me now.)**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. **(He's dying.)** Then... he started coming! **(*Insert ****sexual innuendo here*)** We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **(Abjbsac fdefcv wtf. I can't even... I don't even- Voldemort in high heels. VOLDEMORT IN HIGH HEELS. OMFG the mental image)** So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. **(That was **_**way **_**too easy...) **We went to my room. Vampire went away. **(To cry tears of blood in his emo corner.)** There I started crying. **(Because the person who tried to kill her boyfriend is dead. Yep. Ebony logic.)**

"What s wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **(Please... no...)** He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah)**(I am this close to shooting myself.)** and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **(Yeah, I just... don't have anything to say about that.)**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded.** (No, Enoby dear, that's only for traffic.)** "Why can t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here **(Where the actual fuck did that come from?)** except for B loody Mary, because she s not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." **(And Enoby **_**isn't?**_**) **answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me!** (I'm not.)** Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid** (*Cedric)** says he s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! **(I think you're forgetting the minor fact that Snakertail is dead.) **I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn t Satan have made me less beautiful?"**(Enoby. Go die in a fire.)** I shouted angrily. (an" don t wory enoby isn t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty)** (Riiiiight. Okay. Whatever you say, Tara. *cough***_**bullshit**_***cough*)** "Im good at too many things!** (Enoby, can you please tell me **_**one **_**thing that you are good at? ... Yeah. No. Didn't think so.)** WHY CAN T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.** (Wow Ebony. Your life is so hard. It really puts all of my problems into perspective.)**


	15. Chapter 15

So. Yeah, I'm back after... six months. I'm so, so sorry it took so long to update. My laptop broke down so I had to get it fixed and the guy who was supposed to fix it messed it up even more. I eventually did get it fixed a few months later, but then I had a week of written exams (failed maths. Hoshit) and a week of oral exams. This year's my state exam year, too, so I have to study all the time and haven't really had any time for fanfiction. But then I checked up on this commentary and saw that it got _**51 REVIEWS IN MY** **ABSENCE**. _I absolutely love you guys! Anyway, now that my Christmas tests (which were on the 30th of November wtf) are over I can start updating again! Yay!

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><p>Chapter 15.<p>

AN: stup flaming ok! **(Hmm, let me think... No. No I fricking won't.)** btw u suk **(WHOOOAAA, BITCH!)** frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz!** (Oh, what a threat.)** fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"** (No, please, Ebony. Spare us!)**

But I was too mad. **(And I was too bored.)**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. **(Because we needed to know what colour your door was.)** It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire.** (UM.)** I started to cry and weep. **(And bawl and sob and howl and wail and blubber and lament and **_**oh my god just kill me now.**_**)** I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. **(**_**Right.**_**)**Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.** (Oh yes, the Biology class that you're not supposed to have.)**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. **(Pretty sure that isn't the school uniform but, who am I to judge?)** I put my ebony **(I see what you did there.)** black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. **(Hehe, advanced. Right.)** I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **(...Okay, that does not sound like biology.)**Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!** (OMG PLOT TWIST)**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. **(Whatever you say, Draco.))** Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time.** (Nothing's changed, then.)** Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing **(Please. Let's not go there.)**"Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class!** (Where the hell is the teacher!?)** His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy** (I'm sure.)** like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson** (I think you used too many examples there, Enoby.)** (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!).** (I know who they are, that doesn't mean I think they're hot.)**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us** (I really don't blame them.)** but I just stuck up my middle fingers **(WHOA, LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A BADASS OVER HERE)** (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now)** (And I cared so much.)** at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch)**(Then why compare yourself to her...?)** and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us **(THANK YOU, LUMPKIN)**but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether.** (Lumpkin is easily influenced by peer pressure, I see.)** Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.** (Hurray for detail.)**


End file.
